My last Blog

Hello everyone This is Melody's daughter Amber...I'm here writting for my mother due to today she lost her battle and went home with the lord...She fought for as long as she could....I knw that she was very thankfull to yins for helping her with her fight and she would want yins to knw that she went peacefully and was surrounded by her loved ones...Thank you for all the support yins gave my mother and lots of hugs and kisses to everyone...

DAy 5 of hell complete

was sicker today than all the others rolled together

my breathing is worse; this is supposed to help ; my foot

backto just radiation for the next 21 days

more chemo? we shall see

days of hell

oh, my God, it hurts
gas pains have beaten up my whole chest, stomach area
hurts to breathe
three more days!!!
ugh
coughing hurts to think about
am I going to make it thru this
???????

day  3
 i do believe they lie
i feel terrible cannot stay awake
stomach upset in spite of the fancy drugs
zolfran/amend
my breathing is worse
this is supposed to be making me better?
bah

today is day 4
my chest is hurting like no tomorrow
still cannot bear to eat
everything stinks
Lord, send me an angel today so that I can cope

chemo day 1

Well, my job this week is chemo
9am-4:15 pm oh yeah
Had gas pains all day
watched my oldest child drown in boredom, he went to hold mamma hand, I love him so

first uhoh
do you take bloodpressure medicine
no, its usually 140/90
not today, its quite a bit higher, gonna have to watch that
great

ok 4 more days to go..
I stole the label off the bag so I'd know which drug I was being given-----cisplatin sol??? kinda ripped it wrong

breathless

well, tomorrow I go and willingly poison myself.
So far, I actually feeel worse since starting treatment, I breathe worse and hurt more.
Is there an end?
Will I always hurt like this?
I guess time will answer all these questions.

week one; done

well, one week of radiation is done
i feel no better, actually Im so sore noone can touch me
some nausea, too
really looking forward to monday, as I start chemo and
another week of radiation, yay
i need the presistent fatigue to go away so I can do some
thing with my time, uggghhh hate laying around

just venting; not to worry

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmuusssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
tttttttttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssssssssssgggggggggggggggggggggggggooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Im shouting down the moon, sorry, but I must vent.  Or lose my ever lasting mind.  Will my life ever return to some normal state?  Where I can take care of my family/friends not the other way around.  Where I can move around for longer that 15 minutes without  becoming unable to breathe.  Where I am once again a productive person.  Where once again I can be a loving wife mother and grandmother.  Christmas will suck this year, as i am useless cant help do a thing, useless, useless, useless,useless,useless,useless.

why do they want me around to drag them down, why, why, why